Precedent
by IVIaedhros
Summary: Students who are new to the academy often wonder about a few of the rules. Why would a school for soul reapers ban farm animals and body snatching? What the hell was that first graduating class like...? Rated for general naughtiness and lack of sanity.
1. 1 thru 15

**To the esteemed staff and students of the Shin'ō Reijutsu Academy...**

1. Genryuusai-sensei's staff is not to be used to be used as a costume prop. No, Ukitake, you cannot be a wizard. We don't care about your hat or your lightning bolts.

2. Students are no longer allowed to make individual purchases of alcohol equaling or exceeding an amount of twenty liters.

_*Addendum: Students are no longer allowed to purchase alcohol at all without accompaniment by a staff member._

_*Addendum: No, the academy never has and never will use alcohol for science experiments. We don't have a science class. _

3. Kyoraku and Ukitake are banned from associating with the Shihoin. Stealth raids, body snatches, ambushes, and "ganking" against allied or enemy ninja are not an authorized way of increasing your combat skills in the Shin'ō Reijutsu Academy.

4. Fireworks are now banned within a ten mile radius of the academy grounds.

5. Bakudo 69: Silver Tongue Strike is now banned upon pain of death. We don't care how pleasurable the death is. It doesn't matter how many women you get to sign your petition. If you start getting men, you will be killed.

6. You are not flesh eating zombies or a pair of ravishing incubus so stop scaring the mortals before performing konso.

7. There is no need for Unohana to perform more than one physical examination per year. Stop putting requests for them.

8. Medical gowns are _not_ to be worn as a substitute uniform, even if you dye them black. "Unbearably hot" temperatures are not an excuse.

9. Signing your name as "The Pretty Pretty Princess" is not fooling anyone, Ukitake. Stop it.

10. Hollows are not pets, it doesn't matter how cute they are. You may not threaten to feed the underclassmen to them either, even if they are punks.

11. Telling underclassmen that, "gaining bankai means you get to slaughter millions with giant swords and explosions," is not a good way to motivate them.

12. Genyruusai-sensei is not a super saiyan so don't tell people otherwise.

13. Sleeping with your instructors does not earn you early graduation.

14. Sexy-no-jutsu is not a valid battle tactic, even if it works.

15. Students are not allowed to bring in children from surrounding neighborhoods for sleepovers and candy even if the child molestation charges were dropped.

_...tbc

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_A/N: Along with the entirely unrelated series, _IC, _this was originally meant as comic relief for _Tell the Long Road, _but was separated to better maintain mood and to get a few more readers. Reading either _IC _or _Tell the Long Road _is recommended, but unnecessary._

_Inspired by H.E. Gray.  
_


	2. 16 thru 30

16. Staff members do not need birthday cakes with candles for every year to remind them of their age. We know how old we are, thank you very much.

17. Genryuusai-sensei is not your personal cigarette lighter, barbecue or flamethrower.

18. Adverse weather is not an excuse to skip class when you can control the weather.

19. Whoring your zanpakuto's spirit out is not an acceptable way to pay student loans.

20. Neither is using them as child labor.

21. The incident which may or may not have happened on the twenty-fourth of May is never to be mentioned, ever again. Ever.

22. If the morning tea goes missing again, you will go missing.

23. None of you are "undercova brotha's" for the king. You do not know the king. Neither are you honorary members of Squad Zero.

24. Ukitake, Kyoraku, why do you keep getting packages marked "For Your Eyes Only"

25. It is an abuse of your shinigami powers to convince primitive mortals that you're a god and that they need to offer their virgin daughters in sacrifice to you.

'26. Unohana's special cough medicines are not meant to be used as anything other than cough medicine, neither should they be marketed to other students or the surrounding residents.

_*Addendum: Special permission will be granted if a percentage of the profits is donated to the academy. _

_*Addendum: Shunsui, you have no copyright and cannot sue the academy in Central 46. Who do you think we work for?_

27. There is no such thing as "mpreg" or "genderbend". Male students are not allowed to request maternity leave. No, Shunsui, we don't want to hear about it.

28. We don't care if Kami sent you back from the future. It is not vital to the survival of Seretei that you assassinate your fellow classmates, are forcibly given in marriage or made supreme dictators.

29. Stop grumbling about the Kuchiki conspiring to overthrow the Spirit King where the onmitsukido can hear you. The ninjas are paranoid enough as it is and we're tired of dealing with the Kuchiki's lawyers. The next time Kuchiki Ginrei demands your heads, he'll get them.

30. Genryuusai-sensei's beard is not a separate individual. Stop speaking of it as such.


	3. 31 thru 45

**31. **Kuchiki Ginrei is right: just because you kicked his ass does not mean he has to join your nakama. Where did you get this idea?

**32. **Assistant head Sasakibe Chojiro does not have a "molestache".

**33. **Find some other method of obtaining training partners besides slapping random people in the mess hell.

**34. **No more bringing back wild animals you randomly slaughtered on patrol for barbecue's. This creates bad relations with the surrounding civilians and its offending the cooks. Yes, we know their cooking is horrible. Deal with it.

_*Addendum: Genryuusai-sensei has declared barbecues a brilliant idea. However, we will be buying our meat from the butcher's, _not_ killing whatever comes across our path._

"**35. **Bro's Before Ho's" is not a permissible motto for an intramural squad. Neither may the captains of the intramural squads introduce uniform changes without Genryuusai-sensai's permission. Refer to the board's decisions on the tiny mini-skirts and chain mail thongs referendum.

_*Addendum: Genryuusai-sensai has declared that tiny mini-skirts and chain mail thongs are also a brilliant idea. Standard uniform regulations will be altered to fit the new requirements._

_*Addendum: Upon further consultation with Unohana Retsu, Genryuusai-sensai has concluded that the switch would be too cost prohibitive. The old uniforms will stay._

**36. **Mounting the masks of defeated hollows on your wall is not professional and creates the false impression that we're nothing more than blood thirsty maniacs.

**37. **Stop catching hell butterflies.

**38. **As an institution that accepts students of all faiths and creeds that do not interfere with our profession, namely killing, we neither confirm nor deny that offerings made to god "Kubo-Kami-Sama!" or any other deities will increase skill, survivability and sex appeal. However, students are still obligated to attend training sessions, regardless if their deities of choice have or have not granted their wishes.

**39. **There is now a limit of fifty packages per week due to students with large families overwhelming the academy's postal room.

**40. **Due to frequency of fights, nervous collapses and cases of crippling emo, Unohana Retsu has graciously conceded to revive her lecture series "Surviving Love Polygons" and "Switching Teams: Coping With (SOL) Sudden Onset Lesbianism."

**41. **Debriefing the instructors does not mean remove your briefs for them.

**42. **Students are banned from purchasing any _Harry Potter_, _Naruto_ or _Inuyasha _paraphernalia.

**43. **Shunsui, the next time you do something as stupid as drug the Shihoiun lord with spiked milk then send him to the animal catcher, save us the paperwork and commit seppuku.

**44. **Ukitake, we realize it's unintentional, but until you learn to control your powers better, you're going to have to keep wearing the rubber suit. The staff and students are tired of their hair standing on end every time you get within fifty feet of them.

**45. ** There is no reason to cry "Anal" before every attack is called out in the sparing sessions. Yes, we realize that in real life, you would not call out the name of your attack. The instructors do this for _instructional_ purposes.


End file.
